i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
