maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
