Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
