You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
