We named our party play list daddy issues
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
