I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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