and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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