I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
