it's too hot outside to masturbate.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
