just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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