hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
