wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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