im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
