i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
