SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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