My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
