i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
