third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think people are normalizing furries
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
