would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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