My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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