i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentineās Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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