and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
