last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
