About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is the high leading the old right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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