that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
