and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish my penis had a tongue
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Randomize
