Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How naked do you want me to be?
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