I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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