he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
