I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
