..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize