If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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