dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
