I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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