she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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