hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize