I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
