Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
