so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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