i don't like sucking hair
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
