So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
whose parrot is this?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
