"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize