anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize