are you so shy because you have an std?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
