8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
