After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
