I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
