I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
