I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize