I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
