So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
