i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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