whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
