i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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