WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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