I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
