I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
