i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize