She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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