Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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