I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
