I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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