I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize