well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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