I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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