She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
