i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
