I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
