Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
