two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
