what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
