I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
