Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
