Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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