You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
