I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
