ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
