Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
