I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
