If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
