I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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