And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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