We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's the barista slut.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
