I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
