True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
