If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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