sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
