i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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