I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
