So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
