I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
