My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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