My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
