can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
