Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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