It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
