No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
